Put your own oxygen mask on first

I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the oxygen mask instruction we hear on aeroplanes: “Put your own mask on before helping the person next to you.”

For such a simple instruction, it carries something much bigger.

At first, it can sound almost uncomfortable. We’re often taught to put other people first — to care, to give, to be there for the people we love. So why should we put ourselves first?

But the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether we’ve misunderstood what “putting yourself first” actually means.

It isn’t about believing you’re more important than anyone else.

It’s about recognising that you matter too.

I’ve been thinking about that in the context of mental health.

When someone is living with depression, despair or suicidal thoughts, it can sometimes become difficult to believe that their presence matters. Thoughts can tell them that they are a burden, that other people would be better off without them, or that asking for help is somehow selfish.

I wonder what it might feel like, in those darkest moments, to be met not with judgement or pressure, but with genuine understanding.

Oxygen mask in therapy

Person-centred therapy speaks to something very human: the need to feel heard, accepted and valued without having to become someone different first.

Sometimes, a person doesn’t need to be told what they should feel.

They need someone willing to sit beside them and say: “I hear you. I’m here. You matter.”

So if you’re struggling right now, please don’t believe the voice that tells you the world would be better without you.

You are not a burden for needing support. You are not weak for feeling overwhelmed. And you don’t have to have all the answers today.

Perhaps looking after yourself isn’t selfish at all. Perhaps it’s simply recognising that you deserve the same compassion you so readily offer to everyone else.

You don’t have to be okay to deserve compassion. And you don’t have to face difficult moments alone.

We don’t have to do everything alone

There can be something incredibly difficult about admitting that we’re struggling.

We might worry about what other people will think. We might fear becoming a burden, or feel that other people have enough going on without having to carry our difficulties too. Sometimes we can become so used to being the person who supports everyone else that we don’t quite know how to let someone support us.

But perhaps there is another way of looking at this.

Allowing someone to be there for us isn’t necessarily taking something away from them. It can be an opportunity for connection — for honesty, trust and the simple experience of being accepted as we are.

This is one of the things I find so meaningful about a person-centred approach. It doesn’t begin with trying to fix someone or telling them who they need to become. It begins with the belief that there is value in being genuinely heard.

Sometimes, being listened to without judgement can create a little space around thoughts that have felt overwhelming. Being able to say “I’m not doing very well” without having to immediately explain, justify or minimise it can be powerful in itself.

And perhaps that’s what the oxygen-mask metaphor means to me now.

Not simply put yourself first. Not be stronger. Not sort yourself out. But recognise that your needs matter too.

Permit yourself to pause. To acknowledge that things are difficult. To accept kindness when it is offered. To let someone sit alongside you without needing to have the perfect words.

Because none of us are meant to move through life completely self-sufficient and untouched by difficulty.

We need one another. And sometimes, putting your own mask on first might simply mean being willing to say: “I’m struggling. I could use some help.”

There is nothing selfish about that. There is something deeply human about it.

Pic: Via Unsplash